Hollow and Alone
by Wind2
Summary: As a teenager, Gohan is detached, and emotionless. For him, it's hard to deal with not being fully human, especially when others see his power...


Don't own DBZ, and I don't own the song lyrics!

Woo hoo! New fic! YAY! 

Okay, when this song is used in every other songfic by next year (it'll probably end up like In The End…you know, people always using that song in Songfics. Linkin Park has very good lyrics for these things!) I want you to remember that I used it first! (I think…) ^_^

This starts out in 3rd person, and then it switches to 1st person. It's not hard to follow, I promise.

Enjoy!

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   He was five years old. His mother was a strong, proud woman. She never doubted that he would grow up to be a good boy. He was going to be a scholar—yes, her little boy would be the smartest in the world, and he would do great things in his lifetime.

   But that was all torn away. At his ripe age, he was stolen from her. For a year she suffered alone with her husband dead, and her son out in the wilderness with a man who she would not trust with her life. Yes, that was a very hard year indeed.

   After training, Gohan finally returned home…

   But nothing would ever be normal…

   This is where our story really begins. This is the story of Son Gohan.

   And he only wants a place to belong.

(When this began)  
I had nothing to say   
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me   
(I was confused)   
And I let it all out to find  
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind   
(Inside of me)   
But all the vacancy the words revealed   
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel   
(Nothing to lose)   
Just stuck, hollow and alone   
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

   I never really had any say in what I did in life. My mother insisted that I study, and become a scholar. My father wanted me to be a fighter just like him. I was torn between the two. I never wanted to disappoint either of them. I only had one choice—I had to do both.

   My father is dead now, and it was all because of fighting. I lost him to Cell. I lost him for the second time. My father, Son Goku, the strongest man in the universe killed himself to save me…to make up for my mistake. Back then I was so young and stupid that I was blinded by my own strength. 

   But not anymore. I never gave up training, but I refuse to fight for no reason. I will not kill, and I will not injure anyone but Vegeta. Why only Vegeta? Well…he's decided to pass his rivalry with my father from him to me.

   I cut off my emotions ever since that day. I can't bear to think about it. My heart hurts when I do, and I cannot bear the pain. I cannot bear the pain that I killed my father. I've turned into an emotionless robot. I do what people tell me, when they tell me. If I protest, I might lose control and someone might get hurt. I do not want that. I cannot hurt another soul ever again. I need to just cut myself off from society, and never talk to anyone again.

   I'll be stuck inside myself…in the emptiness. I'm just alone…I need someone…

   But that's my own fault, isn't it? 

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real   
I wanna let go of the pain I've felt so long  
(Erase all the pain till it's gone)  
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real  
I wanna find something I've wanted all along   
Somewhere I belong

   First day of high school. This room is huge. So many people fill it, each person in their own group. Too bad I won't fit in one. The teacher, Miss Miyoshi, stands in front of the room. Oh god, please do not announce me. Just let me sit down and be alone…

   She coughs to get their attention. Everyone quiets down and looks at her impatiently. God forbid they should miss a second to socialize. 

   She smiles, "Everyone, this is Son Gohan. He got perfect scores on the entry exam!"

   "What a loser!" I hear someone yell out. I think he had blonde hair. He's probably an idiot; anyone could have gotten a perfect score if they wanted to.  It wasn't like that test was insanely hard. 

   "Excuse me Sharpner. We do not need that in here." She pauses and looks at me, "Take your seat next to Videl."

   I nod, and go up to the back row. I saw her earlier, so I already knew what she looked like. I silently took my seat next to her, and folded my arms. 

   She turned to me and smiled. What a phony smile…

   "Hi! I'm Videl Satan." She says politely. Ugh, she's so fake…

   "Hey, Son Gohan," I say flatly. Just remember Gohan, you are hollow and alone…no one is going to enter your world…

   My head starts to hurt as the lesson begins. I always get these migraines…so much pain. I wonder if I bring them on myself. Maybe it is from all those nights I spend lying in bed wondering what went wrong with my life, wondering what I did to deserve this amount of pain…

   I drift off to my depressing thoughts…would anyone miss me if I were dead? I mean, it is not like I do anything to contribute anything worthwhile in the world. I wish death would come upon me like an angel, and take me away to a better place. Then I could erase all this pain I feel inside. 

And I've got nothing to say  
I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face   
(I was confused)   
Looking everywhere only to find  
That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind  
(So what am I)   
What do I have but negativity   
'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me   
(Nothing to lose)   
Nothing to gain, hollow and alone   
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

   We're almost done. I'll be out of this prison in less than five minutes. I just need to get everything out of my locker. Stupid teachers gave me a lot of homework. Looks like I won't be training today…

   I hear someone laugh behind me. Whoever is there better leave. I do not want to talk to anyone. 

   "Hey Gohan, how's it going? Turn around, it's not polite to not look at someone while they're speaking."

   I stare into my locker. He better leave. Sharpner better leave before I get annoyed…

   "I said to turn around!" He grabs my shoulder and spins me around. Do not lose control…he's just messing with your head…keep it cool…

   I stare at him, my face cold and emotionless. Does he expect me to be scared?

   "So, you're not scared that we're going to do anything?"

   I smirk. Scared? Scared of what? Afraid of a bully and his lackeys? Right…

   Someone grabs one of my wrists, and another person grabs another. They are asking to be taught a lesson. I tear my arms out of their grip, and turn back to my locker. They can't do anything to me.

   "So Gohan, I heard your father died." Sharpner says. I stop. How did he find out? "How did he die?"

   "Fighting," I said through clenched teeth. Whoa, calm down there Gohan, you're about to lose it. Sharpner hasn't said anything bad yet…

   "Interesting. Fighting against who?"

   "Cell."

   Sharpner laughs, "No wonder he died. No one could beat Cell except for Satan. The world knows that. Your father must have been an idiot."

   I snap my head back at him. No, he did not say that. He looks at me and laughs in my face. I narrow my eyes at him. I can feel my power rising…

   In a flash he's against the opposite wall. I walk towards him, and lift him up by the collar of his shirt. How dare he insult my father. He won't get off easily. 

   I punch him in the stomach, "Never say that about my father! He was braver than that fake will ever be." I slam him against the wall. I can see the fear in his eyes. 

   "You're…you're a monster." He whispers. Oh no, I transformed. 

   I abruptly drop him. Turning, I hear him fall to the ground with a thud. He whimpers like a small puppy—I knew he was weak. 

   I slowly make my way down the hallway. People stare at me like I'm some sort of alien—and maybe I am. Their faces are blank. They don't know what to think. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Son Gohan, the Half Demon. 

   They all start talking as they get over the shock. I catch bits and pieces of the conversations as I walk by. These people act as if I don't exist…

   "Did you see that?"

   "Yeah, weird, isn't it?"

   "He can transform…I wonder if he's from another world."

   "Well, I'd stay away from him. Next thing you know, he'll be transforming into an actual beast or something."

    "Yeah, you're right. We should stay away from him."

   Stupid people. They have no clue who I am. How can I explain that my father is an alien? How can I explain that I hold unnatural strength? I can't, and it's the truth. They would all freak out. It's not like they all aren't already scared of me.

   I roughly push open the doors to the school, and walk out. I hate this place. It's so constricting. It's like a jail cell. I'll never go back to that place—never. 

I will never know myself until I do this on my own  
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed  
I will never be anything till I break away from me  
I will break away, I'll find myself today

   I float through the mountains. They're my backyard, my home. I've spent months training on these grounds. Every grueling moment training my mind and body to control my power was spent roaming around this area. 

   I should have never learned to fight. I'm an idiot. I can't believe I transformed at the school. 

   I sigh, "Maybe I am a monster," I say aloud.

   "You can't be a monster. You're my brother."

   I hear a small voice behind me. Goten. That kid must have followed me out here when he felt my ki. 

   I turn around and look at him. He's the spitting image of my father. Sometimes I can't stand it. 

   "Gohan, are you okay? You've been acting weird lately."

   I give him a phony smile, "I'm fine. Go home to mom, and don't tell her I'm here."

   "Okay." He turns around and flies off. Good, naïve Goten. I hope he always stays that way. He should never have to feel what I did. 

   I sigh to myself again. I would love to have help from someone. Why do I…

   Why do I feel like such a failure?

   I have to figure this out sometime. I need to break away form myself. I need to start a new life, in a new place. 

   I will never be anything 'till I break away from me. 

   I listen to other people too much. I need to find myself. I need to figure out what I really want. I won't be a fighter, and I won't be a scholar. I'll end up as something else. Something that no one will expect. 

   I only want a place to belong. I want a place where I would not be looked down at as someone different. But, what will I be? A Human, or a Saiya-Jin? Which side can I choose? I don't know what to do…

   I want somewhere…

   _Somewhere I belong._

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That ending sucks, doesn't it? Oh well, at least I didn't kill him. (God forbid someone doesn't die in my fics…I have a nasty habit of killing off main characters) I hope you liked it. Remember to review!


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